“For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.” Rom. 8:15
“We’ll never do this again, I promise!” His remorseful words were stated as I threw up yet again with this gift of morning sickness. “Don’t say it. This will be so worth it.” I assured him. I could see what he couldn’t. I knew that this baby’s first cry would cause my world to soar. I knew I would whisper in his ear “I know you” just as I had for his brothers. I knew that his first smile would make me cry and I would swear I’d never seen anything so beautiful – just like I had with the ones before him.
Creating life is a miracle, and every single day I am thankful I was allowed to take part in it. Every single day I am blessed by the four I have sought to bless. These four that grew beneath my heart and now fill every part of it, represent my future. Each day with them is a gift, and I don’t want to miss a minute of it. I couldn’t imagine my life being any more full.
I asked him if he thought he could love an adopted child as much as the four we have. “Of course!” he said as he looked at me incredulously. He saw what I couldn’t see. Never had he been sick with our children, or felt their movements deep within, or at great personal cost, given them life. He saw the end result. The beautiful child that we could love and make one of ours.
It is so much our perspective. Opening our hearts to HIS perspective, and allowing Him to work. He gives us His Spirit, He gives us the Spirit of adoption.
Here I am many months from that original conversation, and I see that even though he’s not growing underneath my heart, he is growing inside it. I long for that first moment that I hold him, just like the four before him. I know that just like the others before, the first time he smiles at me, I will cry and swear I’ve never seen anything so beautiful in all of my life. And this time I might whisper, “I can’t wait to know you!” We’ll have the rest of our lives, and I don’t want to miss a minute of it. My heart is full.