Monthly Archives: April 2012

It’s Personal

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I have always considered it a character flaw of mine.  As a child and then a teenager, I often heard the words, “Don’t take it so personally!”  I was never good at it.  Removing my emotions from the situation has never been a skill I’ve excelled in.

And yet, as I grow, I realize that God is a personal God.  Surely a Deity that would come down to take on a life with flesh and bone, must have taken things personally.  Surely, a God that would love me with such great abandon, must be willing to get down on a personal level.  It is in His nature.  It is Who He is.  He is a personal God.

The truth is, I cannot hear of the plight of these little ones in other countries without a family and without vision and not take it personally.  The truth is I see my daughter in every single one of their faces.  The truth is, I wonder what would have happened to her if she had been born to another family in another country.  The truth is, it makes something inside of my literally hurt when I think of it.

The Philippines has, in some cases a 75% higher rate of children with visual impairements than many other countries.  Many of these children reside in orphanages.  Many of their issues can be treated.  We have medical staff ready and willing to treat them.  We are working on putting together a hosting program, so they will have loving families to help them get the care they need.  More and more pieces are being put together daily on an amazing level.  More than I am at liberty to share at the moment, but everday, I am standing amazed.  Everyday, I am thankful for a personal God.  Everyday, I look at my children, and I see my girl smile back at me, and I swallow the lump that forms in my throat.  The truth is, this is personal to me.

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Words

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“Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips.” Ps. 141:3

Angry words tumbled, his and mine. A disrespectful little tongue, an opportunity for me to teach, instead became my stumbling ground.
“I’m just afraid of what you are going to become when you speak this way!” The words were out of my mouth before I had time to assess the damage they would have. My careless words were now written all over his little face.
Crushed, he looked up at me. “Well, at least I have a long time before I grow up, Mom.”

I scooped him up. Tears mingled, his and mine. Apologies were offered. Forgiveness is sweet. He was wrong, but I was worse. I was projecting forth into my fears, not into His plan. Mommies sometimes don’t realize the hold we have on these precious little hearts. Spending time in His Word each day, is my source of all things vital. After that time, choosing to dwell on what He has for me, and speaking these truths over these little heads, is what I so often forget.

As those sweet big, brown eyes looked up into mine and he reminded me that it is a long time before he grows up, I knew the truth. How can I convey to him, that it was just yesterday he smiled at me for the first time? Just yesterday I held his chubby baby body next to mine. Just yesterday he was in the high chair. Suddenly, he bathes himself, can make his own peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and rides a bike with great skill. Oh, sweet boy, if only your growing up was a long way off! He doesn’t see how so much has already happened. If all of that is just yesterday, then tomorrow he may be a man. Tomorrow he may be too old to tell me I’m beautiful and smother me with kisses. Tomorrow he may be preparing to leave and make his own way.

Oh, please, Lord! These days are moving too quickly for me! Let me make the most of these short minutes. Let me speak Your words over him. Let Him become all that you would have him to be. Let me be his encourager, and supporter. Let me guide him, and when my hand needs to be firm, let my words be gentle. And Lord, let these moments last a little longer, because when tomorrow comes, and he’s grown, I’m going to forever miss this little boy of today.